Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
