did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
