I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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