OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
