i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
