who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
