I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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