please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
