We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
