Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
