i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
