we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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