I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
