I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
