she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just forgot I was standing up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
