Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
