She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least š
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
