nut hugger
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
