yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
