Whod you bang
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
