I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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