you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
