I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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