is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
