Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
