he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
