Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
