so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just cropdusted the office
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
