Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
