I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
