i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
