my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
