Your mouth is God's brothel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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