Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
