So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
so much tequila, so little girl.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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