before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
