At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
