the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
