here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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