ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
