my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
