Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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