Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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