oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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