She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
