you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
