Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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