My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
