From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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