plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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