he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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