woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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