haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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