right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found the puke drawer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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