Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
