the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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