I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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